|  olegnep | May 1, 2:49pm | she has had cancer for about 2 months now , she is not responding to the chemo , she is going to die in about a month at the most. i imagine this would be much easier to deal with if i had a "dead people go to a better place" type religion. I have no idea what i am going to do.
Come on internet , don't fail me now.. |
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Sponsor |  MJ-Brutus | May 1, 3:05pm | When my father died suddenly 3 years ago, I was stunned.
Today, I look around at his other children, his grandchildren as well
as within myself, and countless other people whom he touched in some way over his 64 years and I see him living on. |
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| | LuridHope | May 1, 3:07pm | If you feel compelled to pray, pray.
I would, probably.
No one expects you be be rational at a time like this. |
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Sponsor | | Vortexfugue | May 1, 3:17pm | | 1. What #2 said. It was really hard for me too when I lost my dad suddenly 12 years ago. It's never easier for one who doesn't believe the dead go to a "special place". They live on within us... and that's enough. |
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| | olegnep | May 1, 3:18pm | i dont feel compelled to pray , i probably would if i thought it would help but i really think it would be useless.
her name is valentina neplioueva , she has a Phd in molecular biology and just recently (before leaving work) took one of the first major steps on the path to curing glaucoma (very agressive brain cancer)
duke.edu/web/gromlab/ [duke.edu/web/gromlab/]
she is on the bottom right of the picture (taken a while ago) |
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|  npftm | May 1, 7:38pm | | I recently lost an uncle and a grandfather (father and son) within a fortnight of each other, and both to cancer. I don't believe in heaven but I do know that their respective suffering ended. That helped me. |
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| | olegnep | May 2, 8:32am | | yeah , i talked to her and she has been in a lot of pain, she is ready to go and as much as i do not want her to it would be extremely selfish for me to ask her to prolong her pain on my behalf. thanks guys , one thing that is really bothering me now however is that almost every person i talk to about her says at some point in our conversation they tell me that they will pray for her and then they think that they are helping me somehow, like praying will magically cure her. it is extremely patronizing , and if anyone has the audacity to tell me anything along the lines of "this is part of gods plan" then i will punch them in the face. There is nothing i can think of that would offend me more than someone telling me that. |
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| | olegnep | May 2, 8:32am | yeah , i talked to her and she has been in a lot of pain, she is ready to go and as much as i do not want her to it would be extremely selfish for me to ask her to prolong her pain on my behalf. thanks guys , one thing that is really bothering me now however is that almost every person i talk to about her says at some point in our conversation they tell me that they will pray for her and then they think that they are helping me somehow, like praying will magically cure her. it is extremely patronizing , and if anyone has the audacity to tell me anything along the lines of "this is part of gods plan" then i will punch them in the face. There is nothing i can think of that would offend me more than someone telling me that.
What i am feeling now feels like acceptance , i cant be sure but i think my mom telling me that she is ready to go and happy that her pain will end soon helped me.
(sorry bout the doublepost) |
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Sponsor | | MJ-Brutus | May 2, 8:53am | Kübler-Ross 5 stages of Grief:
1. Denial: "It can't be happening."
2. Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."
3. Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my children graduate."
4. Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."
Don't get hung up on the example quotes. Each stage can take anywhere from moments to months. These stages are normal.
Your anger is palpable, which might come from feeling helpless to influence what is a life-changing event. Give yourself time and room. |
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Sponsor | | kapka | May 2, 11:24am | 1. I'm sorry for you and your mother, in fact very. If possible make these last moment with your mother positive and by that I don't mean avoiding talking about her illness or anything that is important for you or her to share; a smile can be remembered forever.
Like you I knew my father was dying from cancer and a part of me wanted him to fight but he chose not and I accepted his decision--no one wants to see a parent in pain. I understand how angry you feel when people are quoting God--I was the same.
Loosing your mother will be very hard but you will come to terms with her passing eventually. No matter how sad or how angry you will feel after some time you will realize that like VF wrote she will continue to live on within you and that provides much needed solace and a anchor.
Keep on posting if you need to; I will keep an eye on this thread. |
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Atheist/Agnostic → Discussion